SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This is her issue. The only thing you can do is say how you feel. But even with what you said I would not change my advice. The woman has to work on herself and while it may seem weak the way she is worried you will find someone else it’s normal to react to the uncertainty when you have not done the work on yourself. If she can’t master this, then she will never become reconciliation material.

I never thought my husband would cheat, though he did, my version of a reaction was the certainty that I just proved how unlovable I was and why would he ever love me again. It’s just a different version of the same song. The ws has created instability but then has a hard time existing in it. But it’s not harder to her than it is for you and in my opinion I would give her how you feel and she will either figure it out and provide you with that relief or she will just continue to make everything about her and her feelings more important. I hope she chooses wisely.

Another question for WS. Have you ever let your affair partner into your house without having sex with them? My wife has trickle truth this out about 3 years after Dday that she had let him in our house and that he had been drinking but nothing happened sexually while he was there. The more I think about this, the harder I believe it. I feel like she has gaslighted me a few times on some real obvious situations. I have heard it said that you should trust your gut feeling on these things. Just wanted to get the WS's perspective on this question. I pretty much know what the BS's will say.

Thanks,

Lost1313

It's been a year since d day, and all physical activity was stopped when I found out what my wife was up to. She says she hates him now, and I'm pretty reasonably convinced that's true. However, she also says she's absolutely disgusted that she got physical with him at all. The thought and memories of what they did together make her sick.

I'm less convinced of that. Surely she enjoyed it or she wouldn't have gone back 2 more times for more? Are any of you disgusted not just with the fact that you betrayed your husband, but also disgusted with the actual physical acts you did with AP? I can't help but wonder if there are some pleasant memories of the actual sex acts they did together.