SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Posting just for anyone who is a recent WS or recently started R with their BS.

Sunday was the second "anniversary" of D-Day. It came and went just like last year, as a normal day.

I asked my BH a few days beforehand if there was anything I could do to make the day easier. He felt like he could tackle the day without needing anything additional from me and hoped he wouldn't even remember it, just like last year.

We went to church, had lunch, spent time watching football and playing video games, I gave him some time alone to help my mom move, and then we had dinner and our same old bedtime routine.

The day only weighed heavily on me during my 45-minute drive to my mom's, mainly because there was nothing to distract my thoughts. I just sobbed the entire drive there and back. Not in an "I feel bad for myself" kind of way, but because of the crushing disappointment that this is life now and there is nothing I can do to fix what I've done. There is no time machine or redo on life.

I cried for my BH because I know how deeply the affair has hurt him, and I cried for the future I thought we would have.

I know that probably doesn't sound even slightly motivating, but it is still so much better than how I was feeling and thinking last year.

Every single day with my husband post-D-Day is a gift that I am incredibly grateful for. I pray so hard that we can both heal and find a way through the mess I made, together. And if we can't, I am confident now that God has a plan for both my husband and me that will ultimately bring us peace.

I hope everyone here is able to find that same hope, peace, and acceptance along their own journey.

That is a tender post. It is so nice to see someone with a softened heart. Peace and healing to you.

I recently had the first anniversary of DDay and it was pretty brutal for both of us. I had many of the same feelings you describe including tht grief that comes from knowing how much pain my choices have caused knowing that no amount of guilt and regret can undo the damage. I hope the anniversaries get a bit lighter and that the frequency of the hard days in the interim get fewer and farther between. I feel like we are trending in the right direction, but definitely not linear.

Not much I can say other than stand in solidarity and let you know that you are not alone.

If he is not I. Dissociation then isn’t necessarily a bad sign.

I agree that is a tender post, from a grown person.

My fingers crossed for your healing guys.

KarmaCat, thank you, thank you for sharing this update.

We are coming to the first DDay anniversary.

I just sobbed the entire drive there and back. Not in an "I feel bad for myself" kind of way, but because of the crushing disappointment that this is life now and there is nothing I can do to fix what I've done. There is no time machine or redo on life.
I cried for my BH because I know how deeply the affair has hurt him, and I cried for the future I thought we would have.

I feel this too. It’s so hard, and the above thoughts throw me in the deepest despair. I feel powerless and so sad. We can’t go back, but I can’t see either how there can be light at the end of this.

I feel so grateful too, that we are still under the same roof, but there is no softness here, only defeat.

Thank your for sharing this and for your kindness in wanting to give some hope to others.

I know that probably doesn't sound even slightly motivating, but it is still so much better than how I was feeling and thinking last year.

I wish you and your husband peace and happiness.

Thank you for sharing. I think these glimpses into the experience does help other people and I think there are many people who don’t even post who just lurk and it helps to share in someone’s life experience, pain, optimism, and perspective.

Thank you all for the kind words! We definitely still discuss the affair, just not as frequently or in as much detail as we did before. I don’t feel that my husband is dissociating or that we’re rugsweeping at all. I think we’ve both done a lot of individual work to get to this point, which has helped us grow in how we communicate and navigate the healing process together.

That’s not to say we don’t still have hard days, because we absolutely do. However, we feel much more comfortable communicating openly with each other and recognizing when something might be triggering.

I’m not a believer that time alone heals the hurt caused by an affair, but I do believe that the time spent doing the hard, uncomfortable, and vulnerable work can make a huge difference. Time may pass, but it’s what we choose to do with that time that matters.