NoThanksForTheMemories (original poster member #83278) posted at 2:08 AM on Tuesday, April 7th, 2026
I'm supporting a couple others who are still in the midst of R (not always happily), and I'm realizing how much more relaxed I am because of the divorce. We're not officially divorced yet (that won't be until August), but the court paperwork is all signed and it's basically done except for the waiting period.
I see my friends struggling with trust issues and dday antiversaries, and I realize that I no longer have to concern myself with any of that, and it is such a big relief. I was also thinking that it's been 3 years since dday3 for me, and while I can't shrug off what happened back then, I'm also not consumed by it the way I previously was. For the record, it's been 3.5 years since dday1, 13 months since I moved out, 10 months since I decided to divorce.
My heart rate monitor also confirms that I'm more relaxed lately! I guess this is what healing looks like?
WS had a 3 yr EA+PA from 2020-2022, and an EA 10 years ago (different AP). Dday1 Nov 2022. Dday4 Sep 2023. False R for 2.5 months. 30 years together. Divorcing.
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 3:22 PM on Tuesday, April 7th, 2026
that is your nervous system finally getting to relax. While in limbo and false R, it never gets a chance to relax. So yes, you are healing :-)
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:32 PM on Tuesday, April 7th, 2026
I'm also not consumed by it the way I previously was.
This is what I noticed too. If I would have stayed with xWS I would have been consumed by it for the rest of my life. It never got easier or better and the thoughts never went away... until I left.
There is some real peace from getting a D. It allows you a fresh slate with no pollution from the A's. Being exposed to the perpetrator (WS) on a daily basis just constantly re-opened wounds for me. It proved impossible to heal. I'm not a supporter of R for this reason unless people are truly able to heal from it. It just seems few and far between. I would never entertain R again unless the WS was literally moving mountains to heal and help me heal.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:33 PM, Tuesday, April 7th]
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 11:25 PM on Tuesday, April 7th, 2026
Totally understand. It's like Alka-Selter for the soul. 
Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
NoThanksForTheMemories (original poster member #83278) posted at 1:38 AM on Wednesday, April 8th, 2026
Exactly, cbs - when I catch myself thinking about something that stbx did, I now let it go with the thought that I don't have to care anymore. I don't have to care about what he's doing or spending or how he's feeling or how I'm feeling. That constant vigilance is finally quiet! No more difficult emotional conversations, either. I can't say my life is 100% drama-free (I have a teenager), but it's soooo much better than it was when I was still married.
WS had a 3 yr EA+PA from 2020-2022, and an EA 10 years ago (different AP). Dday1 Nov 2022. Dday4 Sep 2023. False R for 2.5 months. 30 years together. Divorcing.
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 12:17 PM on Wednesday, April 8th, 2026
What I find is that if you have given some tough decision time to contemplate, go over the options and the possible outcomes and consequences and finally settle on a path you generally find an immense sense of peace.
The decision might not be nice or enjoyable, but because you have gone over all the options and analyzed them, you realize your decision is the "best". Even when it might be least-bad.
Plus, I think it might help you that your soon-to-be ex sounds like a class-A a---hole, based on some of your latest posts… 
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 8:46 PM on Wednesday, April 8th, 2026
I have to bite my tongue on this site constantly when people say stuff like "Whether you are R or D, it’s still a struggle to heal" (the implication being that the healing process is somehow comparable).
In my opinion, it’s much easier to heal from a stab wound when you’re not living with the stabber anymore.
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
