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I am a later stage guy myself, but would check when the last time an independent valuation (409a equivalent) or prior round was done. I agree if a new round closes in the next 2-4 months that you could argue for that being the current valuation assuming no material changes to the business (new patent issued, large new customer contracted, new comp in the market at a higher multiple etc). That said, early stage valuations are obviously more volatile (typical valuations method like DCF have low weighting vs options based pricing models and comps).

Soon2be is going to need information from the company and hopefully they will cooperate without having to have a legal battle to procure. His counsel needs to get the diligence list ready to go in prep for a potential divorce filing. Will be important to game plan potential responses if things get acrimonious.

And yeah @BluerThanBlue, I've been thinking about that quite a bit. When she has to travel, and it's her custody time, should I step in to take the kids rather than leave them with their grandparents? Seems like I still end up subsidizing her work

I think you should take the kids when she is away on business, but don’t think of it as subsidizing her work— think of it as being the one parent your kids have who puts them first, which is what they need. Your kids get only one shot at a childhood before they become adults. They will remember who showed up and who didn’t.

I didn’t have kids with my ex, but a lot of people who had kids with their cheaters and got divorced actually found that life got easier without a selfish, overgrown child around who was stealing oxygen away from the rest of the family. I suspect that will be your experience as well.

I think your first order of business after filing for divorce is to spend some time thinking about your hopes, dreams, and aspirations for the future. You’ve spent so many years championing her goals that you very likely put your own on the shelf.

When she has to travel, and it's her custody time, should I step in to take the kids rather than leave them with their grandparents? Seems like I still end up subsidizing her work...

Discuss with your attorney first, haven't the slightest idea regarding Spanish law but no matter what document everything regarding your children in the upcoming months, no matter how slight the issue is. Do not be obvious about it in front of your WW but document, document, and document to hand over to your attorney while the divorce proceeds. I don't think it would hurt you in the divorce if you documented how many times your wife asks you to watch the children because she wasn't able to but again consult with your attorney.

If this job is so important to her then let her go, but make sure she knows that choosing her job means she no longer has a family and she no longer has access to you unless it has to do with your child. Maybe you moving forward with having her served divorce papers and no longer interacting with her might be the kick she needs to realize how selfish she has been assuming you could even forgive her at this point. If it doesn’t wake her up then you’ll know divorce was the right decision!

I'm really very sorry for you. It is awful to be devalued like that by the person that you loved the most. I think that a lot of it may originate in vanity. Your wife is not the first victim of their own success. Combined with cheating it is a true delusion generator. I think some posters may be right that she thinks that she is putting you in your place and hasn't considered the reality of divorce. How do you feel with all of this?

[This message edited by Itiswhatitis000 at 7:46 AM, Wednesday, October 7th]

Equal distribution in divorce does not mean everything is split in half. It’s not like you get three dining room tables and half the table with two legs, and she get’s three and the other half of the table. Or that you get the FO part of the Ford, and she get’s the RD. It’s basically a starting point for negotiations.

The startup might be valuable, but there are also ways to make it worthless. Even worse for you – maybe her solution for an equal distribution might just be that you get shares making you a powerless owner in a company that might be sold in the future. Fancy going to shareholders meetings and seeing your ex and her new partner every year?

Plus it’s a very delicate business concept if it relies so heavily on the content of one man’s brain. Considering the number of startups that don’t really start up, it might be to your advantage to capitalize on her belief in the startup as a bargaining chip in the division of assets. If this then all works out to her brightest dreams and she becomes a multimillionaire six years after you sign the divorce papers, then great for your kids and their Christmas presents, but you have moved on. If it fails… you will be out anyways.

What you can do is use the fact the company is valuable to her to get a more advantageous deal on other marital assets. Things like retaining your pension untouched, lion’s share of savings, getting the equity in the family home, avoiding spousal support (or getting spousal support…). Might be up to that sort of deal, seeing as OM is separated and she can easily move in with him once out of the marital house.

No idea when the round will actually close. Seems like it's been 'closing' for months already. And I'm loath to ask directly as it kind of goes counter to my idea of distancing myself / 180.

How has the venture been financed to-date. Has your wife invested any of the marital assets in the startup? As the business head of the venture, she should be painfully aware that half of any equity she holds in the venture belongs to you, unless you have a pre-nup?

I’ve done two startups that involved venture capital fundraising. In my experience, early-stage investors will look very unfavorably on the following, in increasing order of the magnitude of said disfavor:

a) a company where two key people are in a romantic relationship;

b) a company where two key people are in an extra-martial relationship;

c) a company where two key people are in an undisclosed extra-marital relationship;

d) a company where two key people are in an undisclosed extra-marital relationship, one of whom is now being sued for divorce by their spouse over said relationship.

Some reasons investors don’t take kindly to above:

a) what happens to the value of the investment if the romantic relationship sours?

b) extramarital relationships show lack of discipline, lack of integrity; lack of good judgment;

c) if relationship is undisclosed to investors or other employees, that screams all of b), plus dishonesty;

d) if the equity owned by the key employee being sued for divorce is subject to asset split in a divorce, that introduces a whole new layer of instability and financial liability that affects the value of the company from the perspective of outside investors, the specifics of which it is not necessary to go into in detail. But enough to say that investors have options as to where to put their money to work. And just like betrayed spouses who learn through betrayal to avoid various red flags going into future relationships, investors treat the type of situation your wife is heedlessly creating as a flashing, neon red flag. The fact that she doesn’t understand how badly she is jeopardizing her company’s chances of completing a funding round, will be very alarming to outside funders.

Some founders can get away with this type of shit if they’ve already got a runaway hit, lots of revenue, or otherwise using Jedi mind tricks (eg Elon Musk, Elizabeth Holmes). But doing it at the pre-revenue/seed stage, is defcon 1 level risk.

If you really want leverage against her, I would file divorce immediately, make sure your lawyer knows in depth about the business side of your situation and can bring in another lawyer that deals with venture formation and early-round fundraising.

Let’s not get too carried away about the company and its value. For all we know, the company may be another Enron. The cost of an expert in evaluating the value of a privately held company can be prohibitive. What is best for our BH here may be to get out of infidelity and have control over tangible assets and get child support, which can be adjusted as events unfold.

What is not in his interest is to burn the company to the ground or get his wife fired and living on nothing. Or spending a fortune on lawyers and experts to wind up with promises and paper.

We can speculate all day on the best way forward but the man in the arena will have to decide the best way forward based upon reality, which none of us can know based on two threads.

The first step is making the hard decision to be free of this wife, both mentally and physically. All else will follow as the case unwinds. Here is one speck of good news. If WW is rolling in dough and BH is not, she can be ordered to pay BHs fees and expenses. However, since BH has not told us that is the case, I expect that they are like everyone else and will have to find a way without being driven to the poor house. That is not in the kids interest at all.

So guy, are you ready to get moving on what needs to be done? Or will you be another prisoner of inertia?

One other thing. Don’t overvalue your WW or her life situation. She’s just another cheat. She may think she is riding high but she’s still sitting on her highly used ass. Free your mind of any notion that she is especially talented or worthy of your consideration as if she is a prize or to be handled like a diamond. Free your mind and your ass will follow. See her as she really is and you will know what to do.

[This message edited by longsadstory1952 at 5:07 AM, Wednesday, October 7th]